Dr. Solomon Laktineh

Article

If your child is being bullied, here is what actually works

How to spot bullying, how to talk about it without making it worse, and how to get the school to act. From 45 years of pediatric practice.

Bullying is one of the most painful conversations I have with parents. After forty-five years in pediatrics, I have seen what works and what does not. The most important thing I can tell you is that quiet, fast, persistent action is the right path. Wait-and-see almost never works.

Signs to watch for

Reluctance to go to school. Vague morning stomach aches and headaches. Lost or damaged belongings. Sudden drop in grades. Withdrawal from friends. Sleep changes. Mood changes. New anxiety, sadness, or irritability that does not have an obvious cause. Many bullied kids do not name the bullying. They show it in their body and behavior.

How to talk about it

  1. Listen first, fix later

    When your child opens up, do not interrupt with solutions or questions. Listen all the way through. Many kids stop telling parents because the parent immediately took action they did not consent to.

  2. Validate the hurt

    'That sounds really painful.' Empathy comes before strategy. Always.

  3. Ask what they want from you

    Some kids want the parent to act. Some kids want the parent to listen and not act. The middle ground is to validate first, then talk about a plan together.

  4. Make a plan together

    What feels safe to try at school. Who they can sit with at lunch. Who at school they trust enough to tell. The plan must include the child's voice or it will not stick.

When and how to involve the school

Sooner rather than later. Email the teacher and counselor with specific dates, names, and behaviors. Ask for a meeting. Most schools have a defined anti-bullying procedure but will not invoke it without a parent push. Document every conversation. If the school does not act, escalate to the principal and then to the district.

Cyberbullying

Save screenshots. Do not delete messages. Report to the platform. Report to the school, even if the bullying is happening off-campus, because schools have authority over conduct that affects the school environment. If there are threats of violence, also report to law enforcement.

The bigger picture

Make sure your child has at least one strong friendship or community outside the bullying environment. A sport, a club, a faith community, an extended family relationship. Bullied children who have one place where they feel they belong recover much faster than those who do not.

Frequently asked

How do I know if my child is being bullied?
Look for changes: dropping grades, lost belongings, reluctance to go to school, mood changes, sleep disruption, or vague physical complaints in the morning. Many bullied kids will not say it directly.
Should I tell my child to fight back?
Generally no. Physical retaliation usually escalates the problem and can get your child in more trouble. Coaching assertive, calm responses works better in most cases.
When should I contact the school?
Sooner than most parents do. A short, factual email to the teacher and counselor describing what you have observed gets the school involved. Document everything.
What about cyberbullying?
Save screenshots. Do not delete messages. Report to the platform and the school. If threats are involved, also report to law enforcement.
How can I help my child cope?
Listen without immediately fixing. Validate the hurt. Help them maintain at least one strong friendship outside the bullying environment. A therapist can be very helpful.

Related: childhood anxiety and raising emotionally intelligent children. Book a consultation.

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